There are always going to be problems, challenges, and conflicts in families. After all, look at what happened, in the very first “first family,” between the brothers Cain and Abel (Gen. 4:8). This sibling rivalry did not end well but, thankfully, it is neither the only nor the best example of how to handle family conflicts. The most instructive illustration is found in the biblical narrative of Abraham’s grandson, Jacob. Jacob’s family conflict spanned two generations—his and his sons’. There was no mention of any kind of reconciliation for years.
Jacob and Esau
According to Scripture, the twin brothers, Jacob and Esau, were very different. One afternoon Esau returned home tired and hungry from hunting. Jacob took advantage of his brother’s weakness, and asked for his brother’s birthright in exchange for a bowl of stew (Gen. 25:27-34). Later, in a plot orchestrated by his mother (Gen. 27:6-30), Jacob outwitted his aging father to receive the blessing intended for his brother. Having received the blessing from his father that was intended for his brother, Jacob moved away. Although Esau was bitter and angry and even threatened to kill his brother, upon Jacob’s return home, Esau forgave him (Gen. 33:4).
Jacob, Joseph, and Joseph’s brothers
When Jacob had children, his sons exhibited a lot of sibling rivalry. Jacob loved his son Joseph, but Joseph’s brothers hated him. Young Joseph probably did not even know the extent of his brothers’ bitterness toward him. If he had known, he might have begged his father to excuse him from going to the pastures to search for them.
The Bible tells us that when the brothers saw Joseph, they plotted to kill him (Gen. 37:18-34). The eldest son, Reuben, devised a plan that he felt would keep his baby- brother alive. The boys agreed to throw Joseph into a pit, but later retrieved him and sold him in slavery to Midianite traders on their way to Egypt.
As a result of the brothers’ treachery, Joseph was separated from his siblings for a very long time. When the siblings saw Joseph again, they did not recognize him. It could be that Joseph’s manly appearance was totally different from the youthful face they had last seen. Joseph recognized his brothers, however; and although at first he gave them some moments of discomfort, he soon told them who he was. Joseph probably had longed for that family bond and was glad to be reunited with his family. Joseph forgave his brothers.
Joseph’s brothers were afraid when they recalled what they had done to him. They offered themselves up to him as his slaves, but Joseph replied to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”(Gen. 50:19-20 NIV). Joseph recognized that God had purposed for everything that had happened to him to take place; therefore his brothers’ actions had been the plan of God.
God instituted the family; it is an organization, group, network that He devised and ordained for His purpose. God could have placed all of us in the world as individuals without family, but He did not. The family is where we make mistakes and learn to forgive. The availability of this forgiveness keeps the family together. Forgiveness is the bridge that reconciliation walks to cross the chasms of disagreements and disappointments that keep family members apart. Through Joseph, family reconciliation became a possibility.
God has given us all families to cherish. Loving our family pleases God and releases His blessings in our life. We are to love, honor and forgive them despite conflicts and challenges; because when we love and honor our families, we please God.
