Sex and Sexuality. Many believers treat this subject as taboo or forbidden. This attitude can be very destructive in our lives and our children’s. As with most things in this world, sex and sexuality can be either holy or an abomination. The difference is in how we treat it and how we practice it.
Let’s look at sex and sexuality as HaShem (G-d*) intended, then we will look at sex and sexuality that is repugnant to HaShem. Finally, we will discuss how communication about sex and sexuality is important.
Sex and Sexuality as a Blessing
HaShem gave sex and sexuality to humanity.
He gave us desires for intimacy. He gave us a sex drive to cause us to reproduce. Many people do not realize the first command in scripture is to “be fruitful and multiply.” Thus HaShem commanded sex! What! you might be saying, G-d commanded sex? Yes, and He intended sex to be an enjoyable experience.
Some sects of Judaism and Christianity focus on sex and sexuality as primarily (some might go so far as to say only) for procreation–having children. While everyone is entitled to their beliefs, I think an exclusive focus on procreation misses one of G-d’s greatest gifts. If sex were only for procreation, then logically we should have relations only when the woman is at her peak for fertility.
This focus on procreation seems to ignore passages of Scripture that speak of the holiness of sex within marriage and affirm that it is meant to be shared and enjoyed. Scripture says a woman’s desire shall be for her husband (Genesis 3:16). Shlomo (Solomon) speaks very intimately about physical desire in the Song of Solomon. Certain Jewish writings speak of the beauty and holiness of intimacy within marriage.
So how did sex and sexuality get such a bad rap in many denominations today? I think it comes from a misunderstanding of the Renewed Covenant (New Testament to our church friends). Seeing Miriam (Mary) as a virgin was not meant to convey sinlessness; it was meant to convey the sign of a miraculous birth. However, some have tried to promote her as a virgin for her entire life, which brings up serious issues in Jewish law concerning her marriage to Yosef (Joseph). Sh’ual (Paul) may be another source of misunderstanding where he implies it is better to be like him– apparently either he had no desire for sex or he kept it under extreme control. Paul’s statement can be over-emphasized. Paul says many things that he freely admits are his opinion, not a direct revelation of G-d. Also, it must be remembered that Paul expected Messiah to return in his lifetime, so he was seeing the end as immediate.
The truth is HaShem wanted sex to be enjoyed. Sex becomes an issue and a sin when a good and holy act is made unholy and evil by ignoring HaShem’s clear instructions on when and how it is permitted. G-d gave sex to be enjoyed at the right time, with the right person, and under the right circumstances.
Sex and Sexuality as Sin
We have seen that G-d created sex and commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. He gave us desires which, in the right setting, are good and holy. So how can something G-d created become evil? The answer is in when and how we choose to practice G-d’s gift.
Sex is holy within marriage, to our spouse, at the right time. Sex is a sin when any of these three conditions are violated. I was shocked to hear that adultery was losing ‘favorability’ in England (by 1% point) with roughly 20 to 30 percent of the population considering it acceptable.
Regardless of what people think, G-d considers adultery and idolatry in the same category: they are abominations. In biblical times these offenses carried a death penalty commanded straight from G-d.
Many today, even in the church, engage in fornication. Somehow it is seen as a lesser sin – and after all, Messiah died for that. Did you know that four things are specifically forbidden to all believers by the ACTS Council after Messiah was resurrected: eating blood; eating animals strangled; idolatry, and fornication? These prohibitions were the minimum required to be welcomed into the fellowship. Yet today, three out of the four are not uncommon in many places of worship.
Worse still is a very dangerous belief among many groups that “it is ‘okay’ if I sin, all I have to do is confess and it is ‘okay’; after all, it is under the blood.” This is false teaching. Intentional Sin done willfully, with no attempt to stop, will not be winked at by G-d; it will be judged. Study Scripture: unintentional sin is treated one way, intentional, another; and only turning away from willful sin brings salvation.
What about hot-button issues today like homosexuality? This has just been in the news because of the comments of one of the stars of the reality series “Duck Dynasty.” You may not agree with how Phil Robertson said it, but he got the facts correct. Homosexuality as an act is a sin.
It is very disconcerting when we hear some believers lambast homosexuals but never say a word about adulterers.
Homosexual acts and adultery are equal in HaShem’s eyes and both sins are considered abominations. Somewhere it started being incorrectly taught that all sins are equal; that is totally unscriptural. What is true is that any sin impacts our relationship with HaShem and must be repented of in order to remove that obstacle between us and G-d.
So we have discussed the “who” of sex–our spouse only, and the circumstances of sex–after marriage only. What about the timing of sex? Timing is going to introduce a new concept: refraining from blood. Jews are not allowed to have sex during the woman’s menstrual cycle; Gentiles should likewise refrain from sex during this time also. You might ask why. Hopefully, it is self-evident.
Teaching our Children about Sex
We as parents seem to rely on educators to teach our children everything. The truth is we must teach them about values, about G-d, and hopefully about sex.
Our children don’t need demonstrations of how to put a condom on a banana, or pink triangles; they need parents to tell them the truth about sex. We don’t need just to say “sex is bad or evil”; we need to tell them when sex is holy and when it is not. Teach them and demonstrate proper behavior. I can’t believe the number of people living together with children from a prior marriage living in the house. What are we modeling for our children? We can go to church or synagogue every time the doors are opened, yet if we still practice sin, our children will do as we do and not as we say.
Do our children see affection in the home, with proper boundaries? Do we instill in them an understanding of what G-d considers good and holy? Do we teach them why something is right or wrong?
Sexuality in our lives
Sex and sexuality can be a beautiful, holy expression of love and commitment approved and encouraged by G-d. Sex and sexuality can be animalistic, unholy, and strongly disapproved by HaShem. It is in our power to choose which it will be. Will we choose the right path, pleasing to G-d? Or will we choose the path of the world, becoming nothing more than rutting animals?
Sex was made to be enjoyable and a blessing in the right context. It can become a curse in the wrong context. If we all choose the right path, divorces would be greatly reduced, unwed mothers a thing of the past, and sexual disease no longer an epidemic.
We choose to belong to G-d or to the world; we can’t belong to both. Choose the right path: choose HaShem and His Messiah. Choose right, not wrong; holiness not unholiness.
To HaShem and His Messiah be all Glory, Honor, Power, Praise, Dominion, Riches, and Blessing – now and forever!
Baruch Ata Ad-nai, El-oheinu Malak Olam – Blessed are you oh L-rd our G-d King of the Universe!
Note: * -A “-” is placed in G-d and L-rd to prevent the Eternal’s name from being destroyed if the page were printed and then thrown away.
