You’ve met Mister or Miss Right and you have embarked on a journey to love and happiness. Along the way there will be twists and turns which is part of the relationship journey. It involves a commitment to share time, love, kindness, forgiveness, hope, understanding and trust. As you walk this path together, you may be tempted to try and change your mate into your image and likeness. Resist the temptation; he or she has already been created in the image and likeness of God. You cannot change anyone. If they are engaging in unacceptable behaviors, you have to reconsider if you should continue the relationship. Think of a relationship as steering a large ship, it’s only going in the direction it’s steered.
Here are ten guidelines for keeping your relationship drama free:
1. Spirituality. Practice your faith; pray together and for each other. Keep Jesus at the center of the relationship. Grow in fellowship with the Lord, get into church and get involved in group activities.
2. Personal Boundaries. Establish clearly defined boundaries for a healthy and balanced relationship. A boundary defines what part is you and what is not; what you will tolerate and what you won’t; what you will choose to do and what you will refrain from doing. Boundaries help us take responsibility for our lives and not shift blame onto someone else. Healthy boundaries enable you to take responsibility for your attitude, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, behaviors, and choices. You are not responsible for your mate’s attitude, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, behaviors, and choices. You violate their boundaries when you cross over and take responsibility for their actions. Adults make choices.
3. Communicate. Share from your heart which involves complete emotional and personal truthfulness, not a level which is superficial and limited to cliché, facts or opinion.
4. Conflict Resolution. Speak up when you need to and express your point of view in a loving and caring way. Confront issues; do not attack the person. Focus on the issue, and allow your mate’s identity to remain intact. No digging up past issues. Conflict and disagreements present you with an opportunity to grow and change.
5. Release Anger. Anger in itself is not a negative emotion; how anger is expressed makes it negative. Learn to express it in ways that are pleasing to the God. If anger is suppressed, it will mask itself as “hurt” feelings. Express anger in terms of “how I feel” which enables you to take responsibility for your feelings and emotions and not shift blame.
6. Forgive. Forgive and let go of hurt and pain for the relationship to remain healthy. A relationship involves two imperfect people coming together to establish an imperfect bond. Stop expecting perfection in yourself and your mate. Learn the love language of forgiveness: “I am sorry,” “I was wrong,” or “I forgive you”. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself and another. It’s recognition that you’ve been hurt, but you choose to forgive. Let it go and move on.
7. Trust. Perhaps your heart was broken in a past relationship, but it is over and done. Open your heart to receive and give love to each other. Recognize that “Eros” love allowed you to accept each other, but it must die for “agape” or the God kind of love to grow. Agape love is a deeper more sustaining love.
8. Time Alone, Time Shared. It is unrealistic to expect that your mate can meet all of your needs. Develop new interests and activities- get out of your rut! Spend time together, but enjoy time apart.
9. Be Friends. True friends value their friendship; they are loyal, supportive, trustworthy, faithful, committed, love and accept you for who you are.
10. Be a Friend to Yourself. Recognize self-rejection; sometimes you set yourself up to be rejected to test the love of your love ones. See yourself as God sees you, lovable, competent, accepted, and worthy of being loved. Take off the mask and confront negative attitudes and behaviors which bring drama into your life.
Settle down and enjoy each other; make a commitment to engage in a “drama” free relationship.
