Five Ways To Get Fat

We live in a society where we are obsessed with being skinny. We want new diet pills, new diet plans, and new fixes. Instead, what we need to be concerned about is how to get fat. For life is short, and we need to live and enjoy it! Not stress ourselves about being skinny like some who have fallen weak in doing so.

Rule 1: Do not eat breakfast in the morning.

Eating breakfast would jump start your metabolism. And why would you want to do that? You want to slow it down by allowing your blood sugar level to drop. Furthermore, who has time to eat breakfast? That means getting up early, and you may already have a long commute to work. Instead, a cup of coffee is more practical and convenient, especially at work. A cup of java would give you that “get up and go” attitude. And if that doesn’t work, nibble on some office snacks, such as cake, muffins, a candy bar at the receptionist desk, because you’re still feeling a little lethargic. By lunchtime you will be really hungry.

Rule 2: Continue to wreak havoc by eating the wrong foods or taking in too many calories at once or no calories at all.

Fast foods, such as hamburgers, breaded chicken sandwiches, fries with a super-size diet soda are great lunch meals. And when you are really hungry, a pasta meal is what you need. Load it up! Because now you’re really hungry. But maybe you don’t have the time to eat lunch. That is absolutely wonderful! A better idea is to not eat at all! Starve yourself. Because if you reduce your calories, so that you’re basically eating one or two meals a day, your body will think it is starving and hold on to the fat or store more of it. Why? A calorie restricted diet will prompt a starvation response in the body causing the fat -storing enzymes to increase in size and ability. The more fat -storing enzymes the more the body has the ability to store more fat as future fuel. And that’s exactly what you want.

Rule 3: Couple this condition with a sit down job.

You have deadlines to meet, projects to oversee, calls to return, emails to answer, kids to pick up. You need to conserve your energies for what’s important. You don’t even have time to take a nature walk much less go to the gym. That is totally out of the question. Good! Because that’s just the right attitude you need to gain weight. Do not move from the desk unless you are going to use the restroom. In other words, do not exercise at ALL! By not exercising, your body will not require much fuel, and you will have more fat in storage. This plan works perfectly for those trying to add those extra pounds because at the end of a stressful long day, who has the energy left to exercise? Instead, a good night’s sleep is really what you need. But please don’t do this because a good night’s sleep would ruin everything.

Rule 4: Do not get sufficient sleep.

Why? Because insufficient sleep is what you really need to be successful. According to a study published on ScienceDaily (2006), women who slept 5 hours or less per night were 32% more likely to experience major weight gain and 15% more likely to become obese over a 16-year period. Inadequate sleep interferes with the body’s ability to metabolize carbohydrates and causes high blood glucose levels, leading to higher insulin levels and greater body-fat storage. In addition, a lack of sleep drives down the levels of leptin, a hormone that controls the body’s fat amount, signaling to the body when it is full. Low levels of leptin cause the body to crave carbohydrates. As people gain weight they become more resistant to the signals sent out by the hormone.

Rule #5: Eat late at night.

So at night when you are watching your favorite television show, indulge in your favorite dessert. It may be some ice cream, a few cookies, some chips-just whatever your appetite craves.

Then tomorrow morning when you are tired– too tired to fix breakfast, have a cup of coffee. Jump start your engine with something sweet, preferably. Make up for your calorie deficit at lunch, better still at dinner. Remember, don’t move around too much and stay up late enjoying your big screen high-definition, liquid crystal television. Remember the key is to fail to plan. Don’t plan for your meals, and don’t plan to get sufficient sleep in order for your body to function in optimum condition.

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By Etta Hornsteiner
July 30, 2008

About Author:

Etta Hornsteiner

Etta Hornsteiner has spent 12 years as an Educator teaching both English and Acting. Her love for fitness led her into bodybuilding competitions and later into a career as a personal trainer. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree with honors from Acadia University in Nova Scotia, Canada in English and minors in Sociology and Spanish, a Master’s degree in Education with emphasis in Theatre from Regent University in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a Master's degree in Integrative Health and Wellness Coaching from Maryland University of Integrative Health, and a coaching certificate from Duke Integrative Health. She is certified by the National Board of Health and Wellness Coaching and the International Coaching Federation. She is the author of the Ten Guiding Lights to Health and Wholeness.