Life for me had started to look up. High school came and went successfully. Five years passed, and it was 1989. I was reaching my eighteenth birthday, and I was ready to step into a new chapter of my life. The Hill family had helped me successfully reach my high school graduation day. Mr. and Mrs. Hill emphasized to me how important it was for me to go to college and further my education. They stressed daily the importance of having the right and positive attitude; and they taught me that it was essential for me to associate with like-minded believers. It was a must that I surround myself with the right people in order for me to become successful – people with a positive vision for their future who were trying to live on the same path I was now trying to live on. I had big hopes and dreams because life no longer was bitter; the taste was pretty sweet to me. Little did I know, I was simply going through the motions of what I felt was success because there was still so much wrong in my life.
I chose not to take the advice of the man and woman who had given so much to me. I did not go to college after high school and I did not associate with people who had a positive vision for their future. I was rebellious. I associated with people who were drinking and partying. I tried relationship after relationship with girlfriend after girlfriend, unable to communicate with them in a healthy and productive way. I associated with friend after friend and group after group. Nothing and no one filled the emptiness, the void I felt. Nothing took away the anger I carried in my heart. I blamed everyone else for all that went wrong for me, and I hurt a lot of people along the way. All the hurt and pain I had endured growing up as a child severely wounded me, and those wounds were still open. I hurt the feelings of those closest to me with my hateful words, negative attitude, and angry disposition. I had become the very thing I prayed so desperately to be delivered from. Yes, God had taken me out of the abusive situation, but all the words I had heard, all the abuse I had endured, and all the abandonment I had experienced still had a strong hold on me. They had been so ingrained in my mind that I actually became an angry, bitter person who only found pleasure in hurting the people I professed to love.
As a people and as individuals, we are shaped by the words we hear spoken by those around us. From the time we are newborns until we take our last breath on this earth, we are built mentally, emotionally and physically by the words we hear. This is why we must be careful about the words we listen to and the words we choose to speak to others.
The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. -Proverbs 15:4 NIV
The word of God clearly explains to us that we should not use words to hurt those around us. We may not always like what we hear – and in all honesty, we should never agree one hundred percent of the time with anyone’s views or words. But the point is, words can frustrate, upset, or anger, but they should never be used to crush a person’s spirit.
So, when the people around you, who profess to love you, are repeatedly saying things to make you question your self-worth, they have a wrong, one-sided definition of love. Words that are spoken out of love are supposed to bring healing and comfort to the pains you experience on a daily basis in the process of being tested and tried. These words of love are supposed to cause a desire for life to grow and blossom daily. When you are down, loving words pick you up. When you are weak, loving words strengthen you and sometimes even carry you through. When you are sick, loving words are a soothing, healing balm to your body and spirit. When you are lonely, loving words comfort and cover you. But the one thing loving words are not is hurtful.
Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. -Proverbs 16:24 NIV
If the words spoken in your hearing by your loved ones are always negative and hurtful, then there is a serious problem, and you deserve to know the truth: That is not love! Love is many things but it is not spoken out of a heart of pain. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart (Luke 6:45 NLT). This is such a powerful passage of Scripture. It rejects all the lies that flow out of the mouths of those who profess to love you yet speak to you in abusive words. This scripture also holds such people accountable for the abusive words they utter by maintaining that abusive words are never spoken out of love. The claims of loving you do not restore the damage done by the loveless words to your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.
Excerpt of recently released book Framed by God
