How did I get here?…29 years old and planning my mother’s funeral! This has GOT to be unreal! Yet here I was, scavenging through mounds of pictures trying to summarize her life in the form of a program and an obituary. Cousin Tara’s graduation, Uncle Paul’s 50th birthday celebration, my niece Laila’s first day of school. Suddenly it dawned on me-Where was I in these pictures? It seemed like the last 5 years of my life were a blur and all I could remember were projects on my job or ministry events. You see, I had dedicated my life to full-time ministry. I worked at a local church and was what you would call a workaholic, or should I say ministry-holic. I had spent the past 5 years calling meetings, planning events and traveling the globe in my attempt to fulfill a higher calling. Don’t get me wrong, I was truly doing a good work to help advance God’s kingdom here in the earth, but somewhere along the way I got caught up in “doing” and forgot to “be.”
The last 5 years of my life had been defined by what I did and where I went, and in this moment I had no idea who I was. My mom was gone and I was left now to fend for myself in this world. My mind was moving a mile a minute. What would my mom have done differently if this time last year she knew she’d be gone? What would I have done differently? How many times had I rushed her off the phone or not even taken her call? How many times had I blown off a family event because I was busy doing ministry not realizing that serving my family was part of ministry? In that moment I was reminded that true ministry is not about how many activities or events we pull off, it’s about how many lives are forever transformed by an encounter with Jesus Christ. Sure, activities and events can facilitate this, but if people aren’t the primary focus then everything else is for naught. Here in this life, relationships should be our primary focus; first and foremost, our relationship with Christ. When we consistently spend time with Jesus, He gives us His heart for others and our ministry naturally flows out of a genuine desire to be more like Him. It no longer becomes an obligation or something for us to check off on a “To Do” list.
After the loss of my mother my perspective on life changed drastically. Many of the things I once considered important were now insignificant and I became much more vigilant about protecting the minutes and hours that I would never get to experience again. I started laughing louder, playing in the rain, asking those nagging questions and pointing out the elephant in the room. Why? Because tomorrow isn’t promised and time really is of the essence. I started focusing more on the eternal rather than the temporal and investing in people instead of possessions, titles and positions. While all of these things have value, they’ll soon pass away with the rest of the earth. I started reflecting on what truly nurtured me spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally; and I intentionally incorporated these activities into my day-to-day life. Why? Because every area of my life is meant to glorify God. It’s amazing how an encounter with death can create a greater appreciation for life and the simple pleasures it offers. It’s time we get back to the basics.
