Just in case you haven’t heard, on September 25, 2014, Tyler Perry announced that he is expecting his first child with his girlfriend Gelila Bekele. Let me attempt to deconstruct his announcement. Tyler Perry, a Christian, African-American role model, and producer of values-based films, announced that he is starting a family with Gelila Bekele to whom he is not married. Big deal. Yes, it is—a big disappointing deal. And here’s why.
He’s a role model for African Americans
Mr. Perry is an African-American who works to shape the values and influence the behavior of his ethnic community through his craft—the production of films, plays and sitcoms. He is successful as evidenced by his wealth and fame.
But Mr. Perry is more than a popular fella. He influences people not only through the exercise of his craft but through his personal and private decisions and actions. That makes him a role model. People believe he is a person whose approach to living points to a “better way,” reflects the ideal, and upholds a standard. Therefore, they listen to and follow him.
Sadly, I believe Mr. Perry’s announcement is inconsistent with being a role model. To decide to have a child out of wedlock reflects a mindset and behavior that are common and destructive to the African-American community. More than 71 percent of African-American children are born to unmarried couples, compared to 66 percent of American Indian/Alaska Native children, 53 percent of Hispanic children, 29 percent of white children, and 17 percent of Asian or Pacific Islander children.
Don Lemon is right about the impact of this loose family structure on the welfare of black children.
Just because you can have a baby, it doesn’t mean you should. Especially without planning for one or getting married first. More than 72 percent of children in the African-American community are born out of wedlock. That means absent fathers. And the studies show that lack of a male role model is an express train right to prison and the cycle continues.
I’m pretty sure Mr. Perry will be present in his child’s life and will be a role model for him. That’s not the issue. Mr. Perry’s announcement undermines the efforts of the many fathers and mothers, teachers and ministers, social workers and mentors who are trying to arrest this social phenomenon in America and the Caribbean and teach young black men and women that children should be conceived, born and reared within marriage.
Look to Jay-Z not to Tyler for support, black families. Mr. Perry is now an African-American “role model” who brings credibility and approval to the very practice you are fighting to change.
He’s a purveyor of Christian values
Mr. Perry decided some time ago that he would start a family at age 45, but he made no such commitment to being married first. Perhaps you’ve seen the recent video of Mr. Perry testifying to his faith and praying for and blessing megachurch pastor, T.D. Jakes. I think I’m correct when I say that Mr. Perry identifies as a Christian man. And I think I’m correct to expect him to practice what he preaches. Therefore, living a life of celibacy, his announcement of a baby should follow his commitment to marriage.
Oh, come on! He’s forty-five years old! He’s rich, attractive, famous . . . and you want him to be what!? You’re not being real — this is the twenty-first century, not the first century! And if he wants to have a child and not get married, that’s his right too . . . ‘cause he can afford it. Get with it!
I hear you.
I believe Rabbi Gavri’el in Sexuality – A Blessing or a Curse? gives the Judeo-Christian context for us to consider Mr. Perry’s decision.
Sex is holy within marriage, to our spouse, at the right time. Sex is sin when any of these three conditions are violated. . . . Many today, even in the church, engage in fornication. Somehow it is seen as a lesser sin — and after all, Messiah died for that. . .
Worse still is a very dangerous belief among many groups that “it is ok if I sin, all I have to do is confess and it is ok; after all, ‘it is under the blood.’” This is a false teaching. Intentional Sin [sic] done willfully, with no attempt to stop, will not be winked at by G-d; it will be judged. Study Scripture: unintentional sin is treated one way, intentional, another; and only turning away from willful sin brings salvation.
Mr. Perry should know that the “blood of Jesus” is about obedience to God — even when that obedience hurts. God’s standard of sexuality and family life does not change to accommodate a person’s socioeconomic status, age or popularity.
The best Mr. Perry can do
I suspect Madea, Mr. Perry’s alter ego, would also be disappointed in Mr. Perry’s announcement. Madea is a woman of “common sense wisdom” and she understands the power of the role model to foster good or bad. Perhaps Mr. Perry should sit and talk with Madea about what he should do next.
For my part, I believe the best thing Mr. Perry can do to redeem his values-based message and his position as role model is to marry Gelila. And, the best thing he can do as a father for his unborn child is to marry the child’s mother.
