Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. And other times, as Flip Wilson says, it is certainly “the devil”. Whether we blame it on ourselves or give such culpability to Satan, it needs to stop, and stop today! The “it” that must stop today is negative self-talk.
Miracles do happen, and God still delivers instantaneously; however, there are some of us for whom ending negative self-talk will be a process. Even the Israelites, who were delivered from Egypt, had to go through a process to reach the Promised Land. Freed of Egypt, they still had the mindset of a slave. Quite similarly, many of us Christians have been delivered from Egypt, yet we struggle with our minds.
Consequences of Negative Self-Talk
Correcting negative self-talk is extremely important because it is physically, mentally, and spiritually damaging. Sleep is disrupted. The appetite is affected. The way the brain manages happiness, longevity, and health is thrown off kilter. But most importantly, these negative thoughts feed into our spirit, preventing us from becoming the person God has destined us to be. And when this negativity is unleashed through vocalization, “more chemicals in the brain are given off, not only in the brain but in the listener’s brain as well.” How many of us have sung this song as children: “Oh be careful little mouths what you say”? What a wise little song this was! Our mouths can become a live volcano. James describes the tongue as a flame that can set a whole forest ablaze (James 3:6). Ending negative self-talk is essential to our entire well-being. How, then, can we stop negative self-talk? Here are some steps to correcting this behavior:
Take Inventory
When I first started teaching, I taught reading to high school students. I taught them how to think about thinking in order to improve their reading comprehension skills. Correcting negative self-talk requires much the same practice. We have to become aware of the communication we are having with ourselves. What are we thinking? Becoming aware of what we are thinking is important because feelings follow thoughts. Whatever we think, a corresponding feeling will follow.
The first step, then, in correcting negative self-talk is to take inventory. Take a day or half a day, 30 minutes or 15 minutes to write down every negative thought that comes to your mind. Some negative self-talk is very subtle, so if you’re in doubt, right it down.
Learn the Voice of the Father
The only voice we need to know is the voice of the Father. Recognizing his voice is essential to growth. If we are His children, then we ought to know His voice. His voice is the voice of love, peace, goodness, faithfulness, etc. Once we recognize His voice, any other voice is false or a counterfeit. The best way to learn this voice is to read the Word of God constantly and consistently. Using the Father’s own words counteracts any negativity, especially when spoken. Vocalization carries double impact.
Now return to your list of negative self-talk. How many of these self-talks are rooted in fear? Don’t be surprised if all of them are. Find scriptures that address these thoughts and fears. Write the scriptures next to each thought.
FOR EXAMPLE
Negative Self-talk
I do not like my life.
Word of God
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Create Affirmations
Turn your scriptures into affirmations. These affirmations are positive statements that affirm the truth of God’s word. They are always stated in the positive and in the present tense not in the future tense.
Using our example above, the affirmation would be: My life has purpose. I have a bright future.
Our bodies respond to what we hear. Our communication should be based on the principles of God’s words. The Bible describes the Word of God as being “sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires” (Hebrew 4:12).
The Word of God is life; it is living. When we use scriptures as affirmations, we are making declarations that have been established before the foundation of this earth was formed.
Reframe Negative Situations into Positive Situations
We cannot control every situation in our lives. We all face disappointments at times. Life can present us with some tough challenges. God, however, has given us some survival tools to help us. One of these tools is gratitude. We are instructed to give thanks for everything–the good and the bad (1 Thessalonians 5:18). When we obey God in giving Him thanks, particularly for situations that do not turn out as we expected, we are reframing a negative event into a positive event. Having a spirit of gratitude is seeing the glass half-filled rather than half empty. We will appear to some people as if we are wearing our clothes on the wrong side, but this is the attitude God requires of us. An attitude of gratitude allows us to see things from God’s perspective. A change of perspective changes everything. Gratitude, therefore, prevents us from becoming self-absorbed, which is the breeding ground for negative self-talk.
Be Aware of your Weakness
Lack of sleep and/or food, a physically or an emotionally exhausted day, or even extreme summer heat are examples of some conditions that can put the body in the negative. No matter how spiritually mature we might be, we can easily find ourselves susceptible to negative self-talk. Our perception of life becomes distorted because we are physically weakened. And, this physical weakness can affect our emotional and spiritual state. To make matters worse, some of us may resort to eating poorly when we are most stressed. Junk food in the system produces junk. These food can wreak havoc on the entire body, mind and spirit–a lesson I teach as a part of my health and wellness Bible study. The scripture tells us to be alert, watchful, and sober, for Satan is like a roaring lion looking for a prey (1 Peter 5:8). A heavy caloric meal weighs us down and makes us feel tired and sleepy. A lack of sleep dulls the mind. Research now shows a lack of sleep for several hours is like being legally drunk. The bottom line is we tend to be our worst critics when we are in a state of deprivation.
Becoming aware of our weaknesses is the first step in harnessing them. Then we need to work extremely hard to practice healthy habits during these times. For some, it might be making sure that healthy food is easily accessible. For others, it might be breathing deeply and often to clear the head and receive more oxygen into the body. As Peter warned, let us be on the alert.
Surround yourself with Positive People
As human beings, we are social beings. God, therefore, designed the body of Christ to be a support system. However, we are to be strategic and selective in whom we align ourselves with. We want to make sure we have a healthy support system when we need it. That means being a good friend or confidant for someone else when they are also in need. The song “Lean on Me” really says it best that we all need someone to lean on during difficult times. The reason for this is connected to being aware of our weakness. Satan loves to attack or send his agent called Pity Party to taunt us when we are at our lowest and alone. We can feel a sense of loneliness or alienation during these moments when we are the most vulnerable. Here it becomes important to have positive people in our lives who will pray for us and speak life to us.
Pray
Prayer is our communication to God, but we are the ones who need and benefit from it. We are the ones who are changed in the process not God. Our body, mind and spirit are transformed when we engage in this powerful form of communication with Almighty God. Some negative thoughts are deeply rooted and are highly resistant to change because of the strong neural pathways they have formed, according to Newberg et al. However, prayer can change these neural pathways because prayer, as we often say, changes everything. We need to take every concern to God. David asked God to examine and lead him along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139: 23-24). We need to do the same and ask God for His help on this journey. Without the right mindset, we cannot claim the promises of God.
Meditate, Meditate, Meditate
All of us meditate. It is just that most of us meditate on the wrong things. When we take inventory of our thoughts or monitor our thinking, it seems quite natural to dwell on the negative. Why else would Paul instruct us in Philippians 4:8 on what to think about?
In addition, to the Word of God, find inspiration also in nature–God’s beautiful backdrop He has placed along with us. Some people enjoy motivational quotes. Some people love a feel-good movie with a redemptive theme. Some people love an inspirational autobiography or biography. Whatever it is, we need to relax and enjoy the goodness of God that is all around us. Perhaps, if we slow down – just a little bit – we might notice more of His goodness.
We can cultivate goodness all around us by managing the type of food we feed our spirit. What type of life do you wish to have? Is it one of peace? Then focus your thoughts on peace. Find scriptures on peace to meditate on. Use pictures of God’s beautiful landscape for the imagination. Music is powerful. Read about David and Saul’s experience. There are many ways to feed life into our spirit.
Speak Life
They say practice makes perfect. Speaking positively may feel unnatural at first. In fact, it takes skill, especially when addressing a negative situation. But the more adept we become, the more life and health we cultivate. Choosing our words carefully is essential to creating a life of health and prosperity.
In essence, if we focus on the positive, if we feed ourselves the positive, and if we ruminate on the positive, we can silence the negative self-talk within us. Life is the largest classroom. As a student, I enjoyed my lessons best when I took the time to prepare for class and consciously engaged myself in the learning process. We have been prepared for every situation though we may not have experienced every situation. Study, practice, and execute.
[i] Newberg and Waldman, Words can Change your Brain.
